A more-than-memorable first trip to the International UFO Congress 3/26/2000
Written by Wiggz...also known as the AlienZoo prohibitor of dullness.
Prior to the International UFO Congress that took place earlier this month, I had never been to Laughlin, Nevada. So when it came time for me to get on the Greyhound bus for the six-hour ride north, I could only guess about what to expect.
As the doors of the bus terminal swung open, revealing to me hundreds of people waiting for their rides, I couldn.t shake from my mind the mischievous laugh of Zookeeper as dropped us off at the curb. His guffaw told me, more or less, .You.ll see what I mean when you get there.. The same fate would hold true for Blobbert, my partner in travel-crime. Blobbert had never been to Laughlin before, and had no idea what to expect, either.
So there we were in line, at 8:50 a.m. on Wednesday, March 8, with bags at our feet and hair salon-like waft-scent of the men.s room (which thankfully had motion-sensor flushing mechanisms) prying into our noses. To our right, a man standing in line to purchase a coffee, or some other refreshment (14 orders of rotisserie chicken?), was wearing a camouflage mesh CIA baseball cap. Was he going to get on the bus with us? Was his attire a foreshadowing of things to come?
Regardless of distractions, my mind was focused on UFOs. As it just so happened, a few feet away, a toy-dispensing arcade game .-- one with a mirrored background, to give off the aura of there being a parallel universe in the machine --. featured six (with mirrors, 12) flying saucers. This game, which appropriately enough has a baseball theme and is called Prize Out, allows you to win finger tops, watches, and yo-yos. If you score a home run, or something equivalent to that, the gifts are distributed by spinning flying saucers.
My stare was interrupted by Blobbert telling me about watching the Conan O.Brien Show the night before. Thing is, he doesn.t have a television.
.Taking Greyhound, I think, is my single best-worst idea,. Blobbert added. .It would be cool if we got on the wrong bus and wound up in Portland. Do you think we.d notice?.
A pumpkin seed, please
Two minutes after getting in line, Blobbert enacted a policy of refusing to talk into my pocket-sized tape recorder.
.You.re starting to piss me off what that thing,. he glared, with eye on my recorder's little red "on" light. .It.s barely 9 o.clock. We.ve been here for eight minutes. Put it away..
.Blobbert," I retorted, somewhat indignantly, "don.t you realize that you.re a content-manufacturing machine? All I have to do is press conversational buttons, and whatever you say in reply will wind up in my travel guide, tantalizing and titillating the Internet populace? Come on, say something..
Blobbert greeted me with silence as our bus hit the highway, passing a $200 million open-air baseball stadium that is used by a baseball team less than one-fourth of the year.
The silence persisted as we rolled our way past a billboard that read, .Who.s the father? 1-800-DNA-TYPE.. (Coincidentally, the marketing textbook I was reading at the same time talked about how marketing plays an important social process. No duh! Case in point right there!) Silence continued as we passed, near our north Phoenix bus stop, R & S Mattress Liquidators, which made me wonder if this store sells waterbeds.
Silence hung over us throughout the steep climb into the hills of central Arizona. Silence continued all the way up Interstate 17, past the farm-implement distributors and once-owned home sellers of Chino Valley .-- all the way into the southeastern tip of Nevada. Any time I asked Blobbert what he thought about what he was seeing outside our window, he responded blandly, .Would you like a pumpkin seed?. And then he just kept on reading his Japanese language textbook.
When in Laughlin . . .
Once we made it to Laughlin, the absolute first thing I did was leave my tape recorder on the bus. I think Blobbert willed this to happen. Luckily, the bus hadn.t driven away before I retrieved it. But Blobbert had a good laugh at my expense anyway: shades of our Roswell trip all over again.
So Blobbert and I hit the pavement, looking for the River Palms casino. It was a long walk. After a half-mile, we realized we had to take a cab for the remaining mile. My video-cam box was stretching my arms like rubber.
Laughlin, we.d learn that afternoon, is nothing like anywhere else. Bordering the Colorado River, it springs up out of nowhere, luring busloads of tourists with images of pots of coins raining from slot machines. The Laughlin strip stretches a couple of miles. Like Las Vegas, it has its share of casinos. Laughlin may lack Vegas.s thrill rides, and the mobile homes and passive smoke are a little bit more perceptible. But the place is baked .-- because it sits on the edge of the Mojave Desert, every summer, Laughlin registers as one of the hottest places on the planet. The average high in July is a cool, calm, and collected 108.2 degrees.
There.s this swanky kitsch that Laughlin has that I just can.t quite put my finger on --. even though I.m supposed to be a writer. This swanky-kitsch factor permeating the resort town is the sum of many parts. It could be due to how Wayne Newton, Bobby Vinton, Roger Whittaker, and Engelbert Humperdinck (oh yes!) still play there. It could also be the red-purple, starburst-galaxy carpeting lining the halls of the Ramada Express Hotel & Casino; while this is the only resort in Laughlin not located on the river, the hotel makes up for this distinction with old-fashioned charm. The Ramada.s the perfect place to lose $20 in nickels on slots, and get your hands covered in magic nickel dust at the same time.
At the River Palms, our days were spent hopping between IUFOC lectures, gingerly sipping Shirley Temples at the Cast-A-Ways Snack Bar (where the bartenders dress up like pirates -- arrrrgh matey!), and watching riverboats ferrying tourists around to-and-fro.
The UFO event had the run of the basement conference area. AlienZoo posters were taped all over the place, in a larger-than-life fashion. What amazed me was how, thanks to our very own Jimmy Dilettoso, an AlienZoo poster was affixed to the podium, so that our logo showed up on the massive projection screen draped behind Congress speakers. You.ll see for yourself, once we get edited video up on our site.
The IUFOC rules. The speakers are fantastic. Witnessing Wendelle Stevens talk out about Nazi-regime UFO research --. postulating that the German technocrats of the late 1930s commissioned the construction of UFOs .-- had the hair of my neck standing on end. Frequent Art Bell show guest Peter Davenport, director of the National UFO Reporting Center, gave a detailed account of the last couple of years. major UFO sightings. George Knapp.s engaging exploration of the credibility of Philip Corso, which included never-before-seen video of the late colonel, blew my mind; I.ve played an audio tape of the talk (which I purchased, not bootlegged, by the way) eight times over the last two weeks. Corso rules! And Graham Birdsall.s NASA footage of a swarm of UFOs hovering around a shuttle tether amazed the British UFO magazine publisher.s audience.
So many other presentations were simply brilliant .-- and unfortunately this isn.t the forum for listing reviews of them here. All I can say is that I can.t wait to see the complete videotape collection of this year.s speakers. Hundreds of people saw each talk .-- a much larger turnout than I imagined. Overall, the lineup was a powerhouse.
Topping it all off, while I was back at the hotel room typing up articles (with the TV playing commercials for a Red Buttons comedy show: .You know you.re old when your doctor, instead of X-raying you, holds you up to the light.), Blobbert spent the evening by himself at Loser.s Lounge, at the 1,400-room Riverside Resort Hotel & Casino. He came back at 4 a.m., I remember, having won a pile of cash. But I was too asleep to congratulate him. You can congratulate him for me, however, by sending e-mail to blobbert@alienzoo.com. I'm sure he'll appreciate the e-mail.
Okay, then. Next Sunday, I.m going to talk about slipping out to Las Vegas for a couple of nights of laserbeams and motion rides. Until then, like Casey Kasem says, .Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.. Later!